Theoblogian

We tend to be aware of differences between churches roughly described as denominations. I want to suggest that across every denomination there are strata of believers that have a central tenet of Christianity, usually Jesus, but most of their practice of Christianity is directed by an “-al.” There are multiple “-als” and when others see these Christians, they see the “-al” most.

Social

Also known as country-club Christianity. The point is who you go to church with. Hobnobbing is more important hearing the Word preached.

Behavioral

Also known as legalists. If you claim to be a member of their church, it is very important that you don’t bring dishonor on them — Christ.

Emotional

These people are all about the feels. Tears and trips to the altar are the way you feel close to Jesus.

Political

The way to save the nation is top down. Laws that reflect God’s righteousness are the first important step in pleasing God.

Theological

The more you can teach about God, the better.

Biblical

Memorizing the books of the Bible, hiding the word in your heart, and having a verse to justify every opinion.

Summary

These practices of al-most Christianity have significant appeal. They can be described. They can be measured–you can even measure yourself. You can go home reveling in the benefits promised by your chosen “-al.” These practices are manageable. You can control the depth of your involvement. You can know the efforts that will increase your status within the group.

These fractional parts of Christianity should not be utterly despised. Each are essential and have life-giving value when submitted to one more “-al.”

Relational

Learning to live with Jesus in openness, honesty and love.

Conclusion

All relationships involve more than one will. His is perfect and that means that ours must be transformed for the relationship to be real. This relationship should be more honest than we are comfortable being. If you have never thought that God was making a mistake and breaking things beyond all hope of recovery, you are in denial. Hopefully, you have since figured out that you were wrong and reconciled with him. If you have never justified your preferred sin because…reasons, you are walking in darkness and the truth is not in you.

This relationship will saturate your life, changing and being changed by all the -als listed above.

Biblical

The Bible reveals how God has related to people in hundreds of situations. It models how to interpret events that happen to use.

Theological

Through the Bible we gain a relational knowledge of God. We can see his character, what he desires, and what he finds so damned irritating.

Political

Knowing God, we walk with him, learning to lead others.

Emotional

He walks with us through the valley of the shadow of death and wipes all tears from our eyes. And he delights in every lesson learned and he shares his joy with us.

Behavioral

Our behavior does change. As we know him and his joys we want to please him in what we do. More than this, though, we learn to respond to the behavior of others like he responds to ours,

Social

We fellowship with a diverse group of people who are in various stages of their relationship with God. Not one of us has achieved perfection, but we are all relational. We can comfort one another, restore one another, confront one another and meet one another’s needs.

Do you have any other “-als” to add to this list? What have you seen distort the people of God and hinder them from becoming more like him?

In Jesus’ ministry he confronted the religious leaders many times, calling out their hypocrisy or how they twisted the Scriptures.

You are wrong, because you know neither the Scriptures nor the power of God.

Matthew 22:29 ESV

For God commanded, ‘Honor your father and your mother,’ and, ‘Whoever reviles father or mother must surely die.’ But you say, ‘If anyone tells his father or his mother, “What you would have gained from me is given to God,” he need not honor his father.’ So for the sake of your tradition you have made void the word of God.

Matthew 15:4-6 ESV

So it was to be expected that the devil would seek to do the same to the words of Jesus.

Luke 14 contains Jesus’ famous teaching about “counting the cost” which has suffered this fate. 

Now great crowds accompanied him, and he turned and said to them,
“If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple.For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it? Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who see it begin to mock him, saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’ Or what king, going out to encounter another king in war, will not sit down first and deliberate whether he is able with ten thousand to meet him who comes against him with twenty thousand? And if not, while the other is yet a great way off, he sends a delegation and asks for terms of peace. So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has cannot be my disciple.

Luke 14:25-33 ESV

When we keep track of the comparisons that Jesus makes in these verses we can see that he is warning us about the consequences of not being a disciple. But almost every Bible labels this passage as “Count the Cost” or The Cost of Discipleship.” This implies that you should make sure you count the cost before you become a disciple so you won’t falter in your faith. This has led to pride in some who know that they have the “right stuff” to go the distance. But for others the meaning becomes clear…Maybe you can follow Jesus, but…well… probably not. 

This inversion of Jesus’ point is a fascinating and dark example of the devil’s work. It encourages Christians to continue the efforts of the blind guides who “shut the kingdom of heaven in people’s faces. For you neither enter yourselves nor allow those who would enter to go in. (Matt. 23:13 ESV)” And, more interestingly, it obscures the reality of the devil’s abject failure to overthrow heaven by down-playing the power-play in this passage. 

The Part You Already Agree With

The New Testament is full of the truth that God is progressively establishing his character in his disciples. 

For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love. For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

2 Peter 1:5-8 ESV

Increasing in Godly qualities ensures that someone will not fail as a disciple. After we commit to becoming a disciple, we become more fully equipped to succeed at being a disciple.

Would you advise a baby to decide whether or not to try to crawl based on if she thinks she can run a marathon? Does Jesus ask baby believers to evaluate their ability to ultimately succeed based on their initial assessment of their abilities?

No.

The Slap in the Face of Tradition

The true interpretation, however, is much more aggressive. We won’t see Jesus plaintively hoping that we will answer his call to surrender everything we have. Jesus, the one who will rule with a rod of iron, is throwing down: “Count the cost of opposing me.” The devil, whom even other angels don’t confront, was demolished by Jesus. And Jesus is stoking an eternal prison for him that the Geneva Convention would condemn. And anyone who imitates the devil will be there along with him. 

Though Jesus taught that following him will incur a high cost in the form of opposition, he did not teach that you should decide beforehand if you have enough of… whatever… to pay that cost. You are not buying groceries, a car, or a fitness center subscription. You are, in truth, bargaining for your very life.

Why Lazy Reading Gets the Passage Wrong

Leading to the contested passage, Luke shows Jesus discussing “anyone who does not hate mother or father,” and “anyone who does not bear his own cross.” Then he gives the analogy of building a tower. Unfortunately our compulsion to turn all Scripture into commands that apply to ourselves blunts Jesus’ point. 

We alter the passage using a kind of verbal Algebra:

Actual text:

Jesus said “anyone who does not hate mother or father cannot be my disciple” and “anyone who does not  bear his own cross cannot be my disciple.” 

But to make this verse apply to ourselves as disciples, we alter something like this, 

Altered text

“I who does [is willing to?] not hate mother or father cannot be [his] disciple” and “I who does not  bear his own cross cannot be [his] disciple.

But since we reframe verses 26 and 27 to say that “you must be willing to hate mother and father” and “you must bear your cross.” we also invert verse 28 “For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost…?” We lazily assume that this same “you” is the one building a tower.

The Truth

The “which of you” not counting the cost of building the tower is also the “anyone” who does not hate father or mother. And this same “anyone” who does not take up his own cross is the king who doesn’t sit down and evaluate military might. 

The one building the tower is the one not becoming a disciple. The king stupidly going out against another king is also the one not becoming a disciple. And in this mini-parable that king has an alternate course of action open to him that anyone opposing Christ should heed: While the other king is still a long way off, he can come to the realization that he cannot defeat the more powerful king. Then he can send and ask for terms of peace so that he can avoid being destroyed in the conflict. 

And this is the conclusion that Jesus reaches in the very next verse, “In the same way, those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples.” 

The Conclusion

Hopefully Jesus wasn’t talking about you in this passage.

It is not wise to try and rival God’s power no matter how extensive your kingdom is. And it doesn’t matter how much you have gathered so far in your life. The terms of surrender for you to preserve your life is to give it all up.

And no matter how extensive your resources are, you cannot build a tower secure enough to withstand the final judgment. And building your own tower is neither good nor necessary, especially if you remember God’s destruction of the Tower of Babel.

But The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous man runs into it and is safe. (Prov. 18:10 ESV) And “you, [God] have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy.” (Ps. 61:3 ESV). 

People do not need to count some cost to see if we have what it takes to be a Christian.

Those who want to reject Christ need to count the cost to see if they can successfully resist him. 

I am continually amazed that Jesus entrusted his reputation to me here on earth. I am selfish, sometimes cherishing the very sin that is disintegrating my most cherished relationships. As I have spent my life in church communities, I have found people who are also amazed and others who can’t believe that Jesus has done this.

Church leaders have many ways to communicate what they think is important to God. Unfortunately, many of these things are not loving. The idea that God does not need anyone may be a deep, ontological truth, but we have neglected the relational desire that God has for people. As a result, the person we portray more closely resembles Narcissus than Jesus of Nazareth.

Conservative Evangelical churches tend to elevate Jesus to overcome our human tendency to minimize his influence. But the way that we try to increase his power in the lives of others obscures his character which is that of a humble servant who doesn’t lord his authority over others “like the Gentiles do.” The techniques that are used in churches to increase his power over others are earthly and not spiritual. And when we examine them honestly, I assert that we will find that we often try advance God’s kingdom by using the relational tools of a narcissist. And since we are genuinely Christ’s ambassadors, the world can only assume that we are accurately representing Jesus and they conclude that Jesus is a narcissist, a person who should be avoided to preserve their mental health.

Please consider these observations about how Jesus is represented by the leadership of the church. This article will explore the points of comparison between contemporary presentations of Jesus and dysfunctional relational styles such as narcissism.

FOG – Fear, Obligation, and Guilt are the primary motivators for sanctification

The FOG is an acronym that stands for “Fear, Obligation, and Guilt”. These three emotions are often how narcissists, sociopaths, and other types of emotional manipulators go about controlling others. However, this type of destructive manipulation isn’t just limited to narcissists and sociopaths. There is no shortage of people with well-intended bad advice out there who unintentionally fall into the FOG as well and push targets of abuse into keeping the relationship going.

“Out of the FOG” – Dana Morningstar

This kind of manipulation shows up in churches that identify themselves as defenders of the faith, holding closely to Biblical inerrancy and the supremacy of Christ. When this manipulation is present, Christ is not honored and his sheep struggle to recognize his voice. They expect to hear it in a supposedly Bible-oriented church, but the preaching and practice of this church relies heavily human explanations of the Bible, effectively denying the power of God (2 Tim. 3:5).

Fear

We sometimes think of fear as an emotion, but it is better considered to be a motivation. When we fear someone, we make decisions to avoid their retribution. Minor variations on this are to avoid disappointing them or driving them away. This decision-influencing role of fear is why the Bible tells us that we shouldn’t fear men. The opinions of men and the consequences for contradicting them should not determine what we do.

Fearing God is wise, but fearing God is also the behavior of the ungodly. A pedantic, one-definition-fits-all, approach to language suppresses the truth. Godly fear is the knowledge that God can destroy you. Ungodly fear, on the other hand, is the belief that he wants to destroy you. To distinguish between the 2 types of fear, you need to look at the effect that they have on the person. Just as Godly sorrow leads to repentance, so Godly fear leads to confidence entering the presence of God (Job 4:6). Ungodly fear results in avoidance, “calling to the mountains and rocks, ‘Fall on us and hide us from the face of him who is seated on the throne.’” (Rev. 6:16).

Another contrast between the two types of fear rests in an active threat. A fear of heights comes from a visceral awareness of the power of gravity and the proximity of that power being irrevocably exercised on one’s person. But standing over a cliff with a former ally behind you adds threat to the situation.

Knowing God as he has revealed himself in Scripture leads to the fear that also applies to forces of nature. Reading the Bible informs us of the scope of his power, what he has done with this power, and how he tends to exercise it. How he exercises his power is a complex question that the ungodly would prefer were answered with rules and logic. The Bible, however, informs us that this is known through relationship. Who receives God’s wrath? Who receives God’s protection? Then add “why” and “when” to each of these and the complexity is profound. This fear can be godly fear which keeps the righteous searching the Scriptures to know God better.

But human explainers (aka preachers) can come alongside the immature, the new believer and seek to explain the “what,” “how,” and “when” of God’s demonstrations of power without teaching them to know Christ. This was already an issue in the first century church. John used the phrase “know him” 3x as much as everyone else. This reflects that this tendency to hold onto measurable behaviors to make sure that our students have understood our instruction.

Finally, the rewards that Jesus promised are future and eternal and kept for us where moth, rust, and prodigal sons can’t get to them. So well-intentioned idiots turn to the penalties for the ungodly and twist them into threats leveled against believers because these are the only people who will bear to listen to such abuse.

Without the relationship with God being first and foremost in our preaching to the subjugation of rules and behaviors, God cannot be represented as loving. Instead, he is proclaimed as a narcissist.

Presenting Jesus as a narcissist shows up in taking the power of God that is appropriate to fear and turning that into a weapon that is directed unbiblically, often using guilt. The guilt that such preachers provoke keeps others fearfully dependent and unwilling to take action or express their own will. Guilt helps keep someone silent and keeps them from asserting themselves.

Keeping someone focused on guilt keeps them from experiencing joy in a relationship. It also keeps them from making change and improving anything about their life or about the lives of others.

Guilt is a tool of the narcissists to keep the oppressed person compliant and behaving according to the whims of the narcissist. When this happens in church, it is the ongoing guilt of sins that have been forgiven by Jesus. The one exercising the power in this relationship is the pastor or the preacher who wants the congregation acknowledging the power that he wields. And he claims to wield it in the name of Jesus.

This truly is taking Jesus’s name in vain.

Obligation

A vague or amorphous sense of guilt is unbiblical. This is provoked by legalism. An emphasis on the law in church chills. It is for the ungodly and The Sinner not the one who loves Christ and is seeking to please him.

Obligation is a form of slavery. It limits a person’s ability to take action by their own free will.

Having been bought with a price it’s something that should compel us to honor Christ rather than keeping us captive to the will of a local potentate in the form of a church pastor. When a local pastor holds the congregation in thrall. He is a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It is important for us to separate ourselves from such false teachers. Either we confront them and expose their behavior with the language to name it as the evil that it is or we leave the church and refuse to support it financially.

Obligation keeps a person from exercising their gifts in the way that God intended. They put their life on hold. They put their ministry on hold to make sure that they are ready for whatever guilt induced volunteerism the pastor requires.

Obligation can be recognized by an inordinate focus on obedience without specifying that obedience is spiritually becoming like Jesus in heart and attitude/spirit. Proof-texting and trying to interpret the Bible like a horoscope for making life-decisions is demonic. You shall not interpret omens or tell fortunes. (Lev. 19:26 ESV) Obligation precludes someone doing anything out of love. When someone feels obligated, they do not have the freedom to say no nor the freedom to willingly participate and say yes. This can be done with a direct “you should…” or it can be done masquerading as an angel of light (“God has a plan for your life”). It doesn’t matter if it is a parent, boyfriend, or “spiritual” leader, anyone who causes a child of God to try to please them rather than Jesus needs to go find their millstone straightaway.

Guilt

Guilt is the state of having done something wrong, of being culpable for something whether specific or vague. The actual state of having violated a law is often assumed to imply intent. Narcissists bank on this confusion to keep their victims doubting themselves and their own motives. For when someone is off balance in this way, they can be manipulated and used. And this is where we find leaders of evangelical churches continuing the techniques of the Pharisees in Jesus day.

Christians who love Jesus and want to please him are particularly susceptible to manipulations by fleshly preachers –wolves in sheep’s clothing.. Paul’s focus on the sexual excesses of such preachers in his day has given Christians tunnel vision when identifying leaders who lead from the flesh and the law rather than from the Spirit of Christ. If someone keeps his pants zipped then he can very nearly get away with murder. Unless someone engages in sexual sin they are considered speak for Jesus.

But Jesus said this:

The scribes and the Pharisees have seated themselves in the chair of Moses;

 ³ therefore all that they tell you, do and observe, but do not do according to their deeds; for they say things, and do not do them.

⁴ “And they tie up heavy loads, and lay them on men’s shoulders; but they themselves are unwilling to move them with so much as a finger.

⁵ “But they do all their deeds to be noticed by men; for they broaden their phylacteries, and lengthen the tassels of their garments.

⁶ “And they love the place of honor at banquets, and the chief seats in the synagogues,

⁷ and respectful greetings in the market places, and being called by men, Rabbi.

⁸ “But do not be called Rabbi; for One is your Teacher, and you are all brothers.

⁹ “And do not call anyone on earth your father; for One is your Father, He who is in heaven.

¹⁰ “And do not be called leaders; for One is your Leader, that is, Christ.

¹¹ “But the greatest among you shall be your servant.

¹² “And whoever exalts himself shall be humbled; and whoever humbles himself shall be exalted.

Matt. 23:2-12 NAS

Examples of Narcissistic Behaviors

The behavioral expectations that are placed on children reveal some disturbing and unconfessed facets of our theology,

Implying that Jesus is firstly concerned about being treated with respect

This can appear as innocuous as “Don’t run in the sanctuary.” But it also appears in the proportion of worship songs that emphasize God’s majesty over his other characteristics. Jesus came to serve rather than be served. During his life, Jesus concealed his deity, his identity as the Messiah. When he returns, he will rule with an iron rod. Until then, he seeks those who will worship him in Spirit and truth. He washed his disciples’ feet much to their consternation.

Denying points of comparison between God and things on earth

This is couched in terms such as “God is so much higher than anything else that it dishonors him to compare him to anything else.”
This is also done by reserving certain words to describe God alone. When I was a kid, back in the 80s and 90s “Awesome” was a common expression of approval. I heard youth pastors decry how this cheapened Biblical awe.

Who is like you, O LORD, among the gods? Who is like you, majestic in holiness, awesome in glorious deeds, doing wonders?

Exodus 15:11 ESV

Focusing on the behavior of others, especially unbelievers

The cultural changes that have been taking in our society in recent years may seem horrifying. But they pale in comparison with the eternal torment that everyone who does not know Jesus will face forever! So pastors who take pot shots at unbelievers in their sermons puff up themselves and their hearers. They do not promote the compassionate love for the enslaved. They inoculate them against the attitude which was in Christ Jesus.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped,

Philippians 2:3-6 ESV

Failing to distinguish between Biblical inerrancy and our fallible interpretation

This lack of humility is remarkable. If someone else reads the Bible from a perspective we can’t understand, they are vulnerable to the accusation of not believing in inerrancy. This is the evangelical version of crying “racism.” It frees us from the burden of listening to them because, we believe, that they cannot have anything true to say unless they start with our presuppositions.

Believing in Biblical inerrancy does not prevent us from deeply perverting the message of Scripture. The devil is delighted for you to fight to the death over the inerrancy of Scripture. For in doing that you have complete and utterly missed the Spirit of Christ. You are literally fighting over words.

Remind them of these things, and charge them before God not to quarrel about words, which does no good, but only ruins the hearers.

2 Timothy 2:14 ESV

Understanding the Bible isn’t expressed through a changed mind—someone admitting you are right, but through a changed heart, loving Jesus, confessing sin, and walking with him, letting him bring about change. We are not Mohammedans who argue people into our kingdom at the point of a sword. If we were to lift up Jesus, he would draw everyone to himself. People will desire to know him.

In contrast with this, starting with inerrancy portrays Jesus as a narcissist who has to be acknowledged as being right before someone can have a relationship with him. How did we decide to help the devil turn people against Jesus? Why do we portray Jesus as a narcissistic jerk?

Not Listening

Preaching, lecturing, rebuking, or nattering on in any way before listening to someone is the same as a clanging cymbal. There is no love. True love does not merely exist in one’s own mind to be expressed however it first seems appropriate. There is a way that seems right to a man, and all that applies to showing love without listening. Love adapts and flexes so that the object of love might actually perceive the love as love and welcome it.

Without listening, we have no relevance. Listening itself demonstrates care and a desire to understand. Until we establish rapport and prove to their satisfaction that we have understanding, our advice cannot be trusted. Directions that we give are like Google Maps without GPS signals. If we think we can direct someone to Jesus, we better know where they are starting.

The Path to Healing

Healing comes through reframing what it means to seek first the kingdom of God.

We want to be faithful representatives of Jesus to the world. This includes his authority over all creation, but we need to trust his timing and that he has chosen to conceal this for now. When we do seek to emphasize his power over others, we lack his example so we substitute the examples that we can find, those of tyrants and narcissists.

How do we ensure that we and our children have a Godly relationship with God? This requires teaching beyond merely countering and rebuking narcissistic “Christianity.” We need a true vision of Christ. He was content to come to earth as a lowly babe who couldn’t even feed himself. Through his obedience he has been given the name that is above every other name, but that hasn’t changed him. He is still willing to bring healing to those who don’t know how to honor him. He despised the shame of the cross for the joy of saving us. He can certainly endure the childish ignorance of the new believer as they become whole and able to love him in return.

What he doesn’t endure are those who block the way for others. “Woe to you lawyers! For you have taken away the key of knowledge. You did not enter yourselves, and you hindered those who were entering.” (Lk. 11:52 ESV). What is it to hinder someone from entering into knowledge of Christ? Jesus’s whole diatribe was kicked off by the Pharisees’ surprise that Jesus was not ceremonially washing before the meal. What little things do we justify? What behaviors do we consider normal that keep people from humbly and joyfully walking with Jesus?

We have people around us, a church-like community, people who are able to satisfy the quirky requirements that we take for granted. We may not even notice that the way we dress, the songs we sing, how we greet one another, or the way we talk about people who aren’t part of our community, all place a distance between “them” and “us.” And when we make sure that everyone identifies Jesus as part of “our” group then these quirky, but unbiblical boundaries are hindering those who used to be entering.

We don’t naturally realize that these normalized behaviors are peculiar or off-putting for the uninitiated. While this is natural it is unlike Jesus who emptied himself to take on our likeness. We can bridge much of this natural gap between ourselves and not-yet-Christians with humility, accepting that we are weird. We should be, but may it be that we are oddly hopeful and surprisingly unconcerned about the actions of those who can kill the body but can’t do a damn thing beyond that. To do otherwise is to be like almost any given Evangelical church in America. To do otherwise is to be like those hired in the morning who resent the master’s generosity when he pays those who only worked one hour with the same amount that he promised those who worked through the heat of the day.